Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
It's official drugs can't kill me
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
