boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Randomize
