so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I need a burrito and a hug.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Randomize
