We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
