Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
