He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
