i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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