okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize