Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
