you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
