I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
