Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
