Duck Duck Cougar?
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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