Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
