Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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