Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize