dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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