New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
