Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
