i don't like sucking hair
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
