I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
