u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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