I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
