youre lurking in front of me
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Randomize
