dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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