I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
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