Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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