foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
She tied me up with her honor cords...
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
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