wanna go halves on a baby?
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
You dont lie about slip and slides
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I just want nice things and good sex
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
