My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
