the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
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