I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
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