MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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