I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
BRING THE BAGELS
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
