the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize