and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
