Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
