Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
My day in three words: secret purse cake
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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