I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
