I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
