I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
