we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
