This dress was meant to end up on your floor
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
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