just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
