we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
