fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
