does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I forgot how hot balto sounded
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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