they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
