Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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