I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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