cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
