I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
