I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
