its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
