So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
