Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
