Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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