Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Randomize
