It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
