I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
