The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
