If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
