Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
