I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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