Banned from zoo.
Again?
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Randomize
