i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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