I want to stick my p in your. b.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize