Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Randomize
