I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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