I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
