You smell like a Billy Joel song
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize
