Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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