like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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