I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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