I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
