i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize