smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
