Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
