Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Yo dont text me then not text me
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
