Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
