someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
