I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
