my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
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