Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
