her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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