i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
