I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
