does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Randomize
