Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Randomize
