did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
