so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Randomize
