I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I made him laugh his dick is mine
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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